31 December 2009

2009 Retrospective

On this New Year's Eve, I find myself looking back at 2009 and shaking my head in awe and wonder of the dichotomy of things that have happened.

On the good side:
- I got promoted at work - twice - and am happier and more fulfilled at this job than I have ever been at any other.

- I started meeting with my fellow Broken Writers, a group of lovely, witty, intelligent ladies whose company warms my heart.

- I was finally financially stable enough to purchase a new car.

On the bad side:
- My husband is trying to deal with his horrible, horrible job, and the stress is adversely affecting us both.

- I found out my mother is a raging, unrepentant narcissist who would rather be right than have a relationship with me.

- I have not written anything of note, much less completed a story.

A mixed bag, to say the least. But I am learning that life is neither good nor bad, it just is. With that in mind, we shall see what 2010 brings.

Happy New Year, everyone!

26 December 2009

In spite of everything...

I didn't spend Christmas day the way I thought I would. First, our CD player quit right in the middle of opening presents, putting the kibosh on our festive holiday background music. Fortunately, the tuner still worked, and one of the local radio stations was still playing Christmas music (as it had been since before Thanksgiving).

Second, the weather decided to go schizo, dumping a couple of inches of snow, ice, then rain atop us - which, of course, meant a wet basement. Cue the industrial fans set at full bore.

Third - and this is the coup de grace - my computer crashed. Crashed, as in completely hosed, black-screen-of-death crashed; the sys config file was corrupted. I wound up booting it from my recovery disks, then began the painful process of restoring all our data (including my DH's CV and my financial records) from a backup file...which, PTB be praised, was only a month old.

The restoration took over twenty-four hours.

But, strangely enough, I haven't let it affect my Christmas. DH spoiled me beyond belief, and I'm so happy to be able to spend this three-day weekend with him and our cat, playing with our toys and relaxing.

So Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone. Take time to count your blessings, and don't stress too much about life. After almost 43 years, I'm finally starting to learn that life happens - for good, bad, or indifferent - and what really matters is how you react to what it dishes at you.

Hmmm. Wonder what the new year will bring?

06 December 2009

Is it time?

Since I started this project at work, I find myself devoting all my energy to that career, as opposed to my writing. Even on the weekends, which should be prime writing time, I find myself drawn more to reading, to exercise, to socializing - to everything BUT writing. When I do set time aside to write, I end up producing perhaps one or two pages, getting frustrated, and firing up the mah jongg program instead.

Every. Single. Time.

I know that other authors have published their novels while also holding down a full-time job, but the question I'm asking myself is: has the time come for me to stop trying?

I have no illusions about my prospects. My divorce left my writing ability - and my confidence - a crippled wreck. The economic recession has made the publishing industry even more insular, and the monetary rewards smaller. To top it all off, I still haven't discovered what I really want to write about.

And I'm tired. Tired, frustrated, and cynical about the whole damn thing.

So perhaps it's time for me to get off the merry-go-round.