22 September 2008

Stark, Abject Terror (*yawn*)

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've been doing a lot of reading about creative depression and how to overcome it. This blog is one method; it gets me writing, whereas before now I've been studiously avoiding doing anything on the computer except surfing the 'Net.

In his books, Dr. Eric Maisel writes about creative people (writers, artists, musicians, etc.) experiencing anxiety about their work. You know, the "what ifs:" "What if what I create isn't good enough? What if people don't like it? What if I sell, but can't come up with anything else?" At worst, that anxiety closes them off from their muses, blocks them entirely. That's what happened to me. And right now I'm doing my best to beat it, and in doing so find what kind of writing has meaning for me.

Well, this weekend, amidst running a ton of errands (including the trauma-fest that was taking SuzieQ to the vet for her annual checkup), I glommed onto an idea for the story I want to write next. It started with a nightmare a couple of weeks ago; I can't get a couple of images from that dream out of my head, and I've decided to write about them. It's a complete departure from anything I've ever written before, and as such, I'm terrified.

But ya know, at this point, I'm getting really, really tired of being anxious and scared. It's boring. Part of my mind is starting to say, "Yeah, so you're scared. So what?" That realization was huge. Like a megazillion kilowatt bulb going off.

My mother, who knows me better than I'd like to admit, said once that she thought I had a work of literary fiction in me. This new idea might just be it. I can't wait to find out.


Nan said...

Wow-abject terror- I know him like a lover. :)

Cool, that you are bored with him, even cooler your so-what moment!

Please know I believe in you and hug Susie Q for me on her weekend of terror.

Thanks for sharing-Nan