10 October 2008

Maybe There's Something to This Happiness Thing, After All

I met with my counselor again yesterday, and she made me realize that I've gone almost two weeks now without a single nightmare or anxiety attack. I feel like I have greater control over my life, and even if bugbears from my past should pop up and try to wreak havoc, I realize now that I don't care - that threat no longer has any meaning for me. It doesn't change who I've become, or change any of my current relationships.

Amazing the feeling of freedom that power engenders!

To top it all off, I wrote some amazing stuff yesterday, not the least of which was the tribute to my dad for his 80th birthday. I was teary-eyed while I wrote it; there was a direct emotional connection between my mind and the words on the page. That hasn't happened in YEARS. And for the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to doing more of it.

I feel like I'm starting to walk out of a long, dark tunnel, and that the light I see at the end isn't an oncoming train. Sure, I still have some baggage (like I said earlier, I tend to pack things in Samsonite for long-term storage), but that's okay. I don't *have* to deal with everything right now; I can wait until I'm ready.

Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy my newfound freedom.


Nan said...

Yea! You Go!
I loved the piece on your Dad. It brought tears to my eyes. You are lucky to have him.
Thanks for the smile this morning.