Definition

Meaning is so subjective; rarely do people share the same definition for certain words. It's taken me many years to realize that "friendship" is one of them.

What makes a friend? A pleasant person you see on occasion, with whom you share a superficial bond? Or is a friend someone to whom you can trust your darkest secrets and most fervent hopes, whose company you crave on a regular basis, and whose very presence in your life makes your life that much better?

As an introvert, I tend to have very few friends, but many acquaintances. But those I do count as friends I hold very dearly - those are the folks for whom I'll walk through fire and help bury bodies (joking!), and who would do the same for me. Ours is a balanced relationship, with equal give and take, and the vicissitudes of life only serve to make our connection that much stronger.

I've come to learn, however, that not everyone defines friendship the way I do. Or perhaps I expect more from others than they're willing to give. Or they once were, but we have since grown apart and they don't make as much of an effort any more. Or perhaps I'm just not that good at reading people, and offer the bond of friendship to those who aren't willing-or able-to reciprocate in the first place. That, then, is my fault, and one I'm working to correct. It's caused me a measure of heartache over the years, but I've come to think of it as an adaptive process.

What does being a friend mean to you?

Brrrrrr.

It's 12 degrees this morning, and it's not even officially winter. As I sit here in my chair, huddled in my robe and clasping a steaming mug of tea for warmth, I wonder what the %^&*! I'm still doing in the Frozen Tundra.

And then I realize - I have a job I love, friends who care for me, and a husband whose career is really starting to take off in the right direction.

All that, plus I will have my very own copy of Carrie Lofty's What a Scoundrel Wants to heat things up come Monday.

*happy!*

Being here isn't so bad, after all. ;-)

Bodhisattvas Rule.

A bodhisattva, according to the Mayahana tradition of Buddhism, is "a person who already has a considerable degree of enlightenment and seeks to use their wisdom to help other human beings to become liberated themselves. In this understanding of the word the Bodhisattva is an already wise person who uses skillful means to lead others to see the benefits of virtue and the cultivation of wisdom." (source: Wikipedia)

Right now, I'm convinced my friend Nancy is one such individual. Not only does she listen to me whine about the vicissitudes of my search for meaning, but she helps me cut through the bullshit to see into the heart of my troubles.

She recently imparted these words of wisdom:

"Sometimes romance writers get in a cult-like mind set...you have to write to have worth- you have to be published to have worth- you have to publish big to have worth-you have to write everyday to have worth...you have to hit the bestseller lists to have worth. It is so easy to buy into - but it's all nuts."

This simple statement hit me like a bolt out of the blue. I realized that I *had* been brainwashed. That I had bought into the whole "romance writer" litany of worth, lock, stock, and barrel - hence my current bout of hand-wringing.

None of the "cult mindset" determines my worth: I determine it. I determine what makes me happy.

And right now, I'm so happy to have such a wonderful friend (and bodhisattva) in my life.